Sleepy days

Time comes and goes.
And here i am, one year later and one year less wise, different in some ways, and same in some,
but mostly different though.

The significance and the thing that kept not just me but all others going during the year was the PMR exam.

And while it lasted, there's the end. Wow...the burden was finally lifted. And what does it lead to...?
Well, i really don't know .....There's no aim anymore, some are temporary, others...well....it was fun while it lasted.

Alas, boredom snare me at home, nothing much to do. Go to school you say ? The same. Gambles at school, placing bets, whats fun is there, no idea......kinda pathetic don't ya think?

Being somniferous all the way, slacking, loathing, hence dying from boredom eventually...

(What to do? )

( Well, why don't ya go for a holiday? )

( Nah...the only thing that i'll do there is sit back and relax at the hotel, must well stay at home.)

( Hmmm..Go out then, shopping .. )

( Empty pocket .)

( Work then ~ )

( Lazy.....= O = *yawn .)

( Well, there's that reunion between your primary friends a few days later .)

( Hmmm....Not interested. )

( Why not? its been three years since you saw them .)

( Yeah, i know, but..well.....Should i ditch them? )

( No.)

( Just ' No" ? )

( Yes. )

( Yes, just ' no ' or yes, you are a worthless scum that's selfish, pathetic and slacking fool that's don't even care about his friends? )

(........ )

( Well?? )

( I'm thinking. )

( About what? )

( Why the heck am i talking to myself)

( ............. )

Dream On

*Read this slowly, it is supposed to be melancholic.

Life is meant to be a dream, skating on soft, white ice,
Enjoying while eyes and fins and razors peer through the dark water beneath,
Pulsing and whispering seduction.
Dreams fall like wingless birds from the sky,
And when we die, the ice breaks, and we wake up for the first time,
Joining the monsters that take us into their arms, in hell......


I dream of a plain of ice, i feel the presence of " Ice"
or maybe it's just the wind.
Brushing against my hand,
Like a delicate flower.

I hear a voice, an echoing voice,
Crushing, Engulfing......
Resonating into the distance,
Just like thunder.

It was the death call,
Resounding into the distance.
On that plain of Ice, i Die.

Hell is a big place, a cold place,
And it stretches as much as miles, and maybe more.
I will go to the throne of Lucifer himself,
and demand to be given back what is mine,
My life.....

Heaven is a small place, warm and comfortable,
But it stretches in moments not so much as miles, and maybe less.
I doubt God himself has a place for me.

So where should i go?
Dreaming on............endlessly...


This may be the last post, maybe not, i don't know. Enjoy.

Nighty night

Now, this is a tale about a soldier. He was with the NAVY then. Gavin was his name and he was one of the finest soldier the country have. He was strong. He could run really fast. Not that he ever run away from his enemies before. And he was brave. Not that he was ever cowardly.

He was everything a man could ever wanted and women too . But he did lack of height. Not that he was short , but rather everyone was just always a bit taller than him. Now, Gavin was not content. People would sing and write poems about heroes as strong, brave , good looking, intelligent, but never short.

And so, there was a rumour about an old man that had the ability to make someone tall. He went to search for him. The old man lived in an old hut outskirt of the city, deep in the forest. He searched for days.

As the sun rose to reclaim possesion of the sky from the night, Gavin finally made it. He knocked at the door and the old man opened it. The conversation went something like this:

Li-Ved: Good Morning.
Gavin : Hello.
Li-Ved: And what can I, a petty old man do for you.
Gavin : Well, I was looking for a man that has the ability to make someone tall, or so the rumour goes.
Li-Ved: Ahh ... And the rumour's right.

But little did he know the story behind the rumour. Li-Ved was a devil indeed, the kind of guy who enjoy pulling legs from flies during his youth and chopping off humans' legs after he was old. In short , he was cruel. The folks would tell stories about him to scare children off. But till now none have proved true.

And so Li-Ved invited Gavin for a stay. The old man was quite scary, he had wrinkles, and crooked nose, and he always wore black, jet black clothes .He said that he liked black cause black is the boldest and best. And the most dramatic. And it is. Gavin was slightly intimidated and scared of him.

Gavin stayed for a few weeks, he could use the rest from the NAVY. Li-Ved accommadated him. He would give Gavin an absolutely delicious dinner with plenty of wine and as he grew sleepy, he might well thought to himself that he was, after all, rather lucky to be spending nights with the old man. He would think that the old man might even be a fool for being so kind. Li-Ved offered him everything he could need except making him tall. And so Gavin got frustated and finally asked him.

And so the old man told him about the amazing magic bed. He said “ It fits anyone. It doesn't matter how tall your are or how short you are, its the perfect length for you. “ But it doesn't explained how it could make him tall but Li-Ved would tell no more.

This is how the ' magic bed ' worked. At one end of the bed there was a rope and drum; at the other end a razor sharp cleaver. If you were too short for the bed, Li-Ved would stretch you. If you were too long, he would cut off your legs. Either way, it was one bed in which nobody ever wake up from.

Gavin was blindfolded and put onto the bed. The last words the old man said was “ You got fooled by a fool, you foolish fool “ Whether Gavin had to be lengthened or shortened ( maybe the bed was too short for him ) , nobody knows. Who is it to say which endings is more likely?

And so, don't fret if you are short and don't boast if you are tall. 'Cause one night, you might stumbled across this bed and regret.



This is a story made for Gavin ( and me too I think ) and a warning to others. Enjoy . {haha}


One more thing, Li-Ved was a devil indeed. He enjoy people's suffering. His name was Lived, for he once lived and died as a human before being reborned as a devil. And if you read the name backwards, it would spell Devil.

Lets put a smile on that face

It was Sean's 10th birthday, and the present he got was a stuffed clown. At first sight, he hated it. It had a crooked smile and black circles around its eyes, wearing a blue jester on its head. He couldn't stand it.

Right after he got it, he placed it on the highest and the furthest bookshelf from his bed.

Every night he would dread about the clown. Even though, it was far away, its eyes were still staring straight at him. Day after day, he would complain to his mom. And she would always answer “ It's just a toy, my dear” Finally one night he decided to turn the clown around so that its face would stare at the wall instead of him. Yet, on the next day, the clown would turn back round and stare at him.

He asked his mom whether she had moved it. “ No “ was her answer and this made him more worried. And the following nights, he would tell himself “ it's not alive, it's not alive “ but he wouldn't dare turn the clown around again for fear it would turn back and proved its alive. Every night, he slept by the watchful eyes of the clown . He hated clowns.

One day, when he woke from his sleep, on the bookshelf , there were two clowns. His heart pounded so hard that the pain swept him away. The other clown was almost the same as the first , except for his jester hat, it was red, and instead of a smile, it was wearing a frown. He asked his mother, she answered casually “ I don't know, but they make a good pair , just let it be my dear ” Now , Sean is very worried.

Every night, two pairs of eyes would stare at him, one with a eerie smile that look like it was smug. One with a sadistic frown that expressed pity for him, but to him, it was not so. They were both evil and there were no pity. Did he mentioned that he hated clowns?

His mom got tired of his complaints and started ignoring him whenever he started complaining. He too grew tired of the fear, but he can't make it go away.

One night, before he eyes closed and slept, there was a sound           “ thud “ , it sounded like something had fallen. He looked around his room and there it was, the clown with the sadistic frown was on the ground. Sean was very afraid. It couldn't be the wind that blew it, cause the windows were closed, so it couldn't just fall off. He got more scared......He decided to let it be and wait till morning. He curled himself under his blanket. Minutes paseed when his blanket started moving down his legs. He looked down. It was the clown !!! It was alive, pulling his blanket away, he couldnt scream, something choked his throat, fear....

The next morning, Sean's mom wouldn't have to hear his complaints anymore, not because they are getting rid of the clowns, but because Sean was never found. And there were two clowns in his room, now both with a smile . 

 
I asked Sean that day, whether he liked clowns. He said ' no '
So this is the story i thought of dedicated to him. {haha}

Wine

The room was filled,
with a symphony of moans and cries of pleasure.
Doing it for thrill,
The lust of both could no longer be endure.

He wrapped her with his bare chest, lean muscle,
Moving with a playful manner.
Her crystal-blue eye bewitched and dazzled,
Showing off her deepest feminine demeanour.

His body overwhelmed with testosterone,
Fingers followed down her waist to hips.
His kisses course down from her cheekbone,
Passionately met between their spidery lips.

The touch of his slipped to her chest,
Leaving her gasping for air, breathless.
Finally, she gracefully undressed,
She was beautiful, it could kill him more or less.

Hands and legs constantly intertwine,
Emotions setting in, getting physically sublime.
The kisses sweet and taste like wine,
Nothing could compare to this that's so fine.

A poem after finishing the novel VA ...
Ideas just came pouring in ....{haha}

Dawn

I jolted up from my sleep, reminicing the nightmares i had. It were never good.

I gazed through the eerie window. A branch from a tree. A single raven with its infinite depths of dark eyes, staring at me . I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, i couldn't even think. Fear engulfed me.

When did ravens able to seize people's abitilty? Well... it seized mine.

Then, my fingers slowly crept to the table beside my lovely bed, covered with the whitest sheets. I looked at the clock, Within mere 3 hours it would be the time the sun kisses the horizon and shine it's divinity on earth, Dawn. Time passed. The ticks of the second hand of the clock aches like pulses of blood behind a bruise.

I stood up, strecthed myself half-awake. I dragged myself through the door. Ran my fingers down to the door knob. As i twisted it, it creaked as if hating being forced open. I strode down the stair case. I almost fell one or two but went on.

I was disoriented. Every steps i made around the house seems wrong. A mistake. I felt like being trapped in a catacomb, trying my hardest to escape.

A door stood in front of me. I never remembered any doors like this one. It's knob were yellow in colour, like melted honey spread on crisp golden toast, glittered and shone like chips of topaz.

Curiousity pushed me ahead.

Opening it, a single chair was in the middle room. As i paced forward, the door behind me slammed. Total eclipse of the eyes, it was darkness.

But somehow i saw dimmed light around the chair.I walked closer. A wee teddy bear was sitting on it. It was brown, like sand on the beach or mud, only darker or maybe lighter, i didnt know.

" Hi " i said to the bear. it didnt answer of course. But in the abbys of my mind, something took over my body, my lips and said those syllables. " Hi , Max " i said now with a name though it was unfamiliar. A small table lay beside it with two cups of tea , i think . My hand went for it without the command of my brain. i gave it to Max ( if its even his name), and of course it spilled. " Oh Max, im sorry." i muttered thoughtlessly. But it sat motionless, eyeing me with dead silence. " If you are going to be like then be it" I muttered those words even though i didnt get his reply in the first place.

It was like im seeing these events as a third person, an observer. But then the bear sprang to life with its filthy teeth, and consumed me, wholely.

I was in agony, the pain was overwhelming, pain that bad that it felt like being dragged slowly across a bed of razor blades, endlessly, pain so bad you would take death with a smile just to get away from it and at that moment i realised i would never see the dawn breaking through the horizon.... That stupid bear caused this pain,   
M A X ..........

Another random written to be amused {haha} The name of the teddy can be anyone but i chose Max cause it suits him well, it's cute, chubby and deadly at the same time.....Creepy isnt it ? {haha}

Farewell

Its random. Max was trying to write a farewell kind of poem for a friend, and while he sat there and started writing,i did too.
So according to Max, he's going to SG . So, Max want to make a nice and sweet poem, i in the other hand dont even know this dude,(haha) i gotta write from scratch without any real experience ...so i turn to morbid thoughts for help and decided to write a bitter but ' memorable ' poem . It's just a sketch and its for fun.

Today we shall bid farewell,
For you are going to hell,
In Singapore's black pit you shall dwell,
We wish for your worst and unwell.

You worthless scum !~
For you left us in the dump,
You ungrateful bastard !~
For you are vile beyond words.

Until your mournful return,
Your kith and kins shall be burned,
Your wellbeing is not our concern anymore,
'Cause we hate you forevermore.

You chased your dream so willingly,
But we shall shun you so callously,
We despise you to the very core,
So now, you will never be adored.

It is time for us to cut our ties,
For our bonds have died,
Here and now we shall part,
Leaving no rememberence in our heart.

Cheat

Exam's coming and some people will cheat,
and im not denying that i never. So here's a poem i wrote.
It's not quite good, i havent write for long,
im quite rusty . Here goes.

Pappers passing down,
I'm a foolish clown,

Doomed !

No answers on the sheet,
i gotta cheat.
Spare me,
let me see.

Come on,
Help!

I dont know how,
Give me the answers now.
From left to right i stare,
Cheat i will and i dare,

Teacher's eye watching,
My heart's scorching,
Sweats rolling down my face,
I gotta pump up the pace.

Ameliorate my tribulation,
End my continuous frustation.
For long i ruminate,
i cant procrastinate.

Free me!

Time is not waiting for me,
im clearly doomed you see.
Im in quite a quagmire,
To cheat is my desire.

Go for it!

Give me a leak,
my papper's a total bleak.
Let me take a peek,
for the answers i seek.

I gotta keep awake,
Give me a break.

Yes! The answers! Let me copy,

No hesitation now,
Let me give you a bow,
Thanks for the answers,
You ended my head's whirls.

Little girl

I dont even know why i wrote this.
It's a response story on Max's "Puppet's Tear" link


I was waiting on a bridge,
only accompanied by the moon,
stood still in the dark.

Then,
a child came to me,
a wee little girl,
with a can of gasoline in her hand.

She said" Hey sir"
I answered " Yes?"
" I burnt a house nearby"
"Yes, i know, i can see that, but why? "

The little girl replied
" For fun, but there was a puppet left behind"
I said
" Shouldn't you rescue it before its too late? "

She said with a glee smile
" No, i loved it, because it was special, but not anymore, i have my can of gasoline to play with now"

I asked " How? "
She answered giggling
" By burning , erasing every human on earth"


The fire burn fiercely,
Flames engulfing.
We watched,
as the fire spread.
Even the puppeteer's house ruined.

I looked at the girl,
innocent little visage of hers.

Then she walked away singing,

La la la la La la la

To the puppet i lie,
Puppets, puppeteers all got to die.

La la la la La la la

Crossing the bridge and eventually disappears.

Sliding away

I have nought to write for a long time,
all i did was watch the world goes by.

Everything seems to be sliding away,
i dont have a firm grip on my life anymore.
Let me ask,
how long has it been since you guys started schooling?
it has been a long time eh? Ten years and more....

Ever since,
My will is my master,
keeping me going.

Well...
now it seems my will is no more,
Im exhausted,
I have naught left.
My life sway like a wind blown leaf.
Everything is sliding away from me,
away from my grasp slowly,
I dont even have the slightest desire to pull them back,
Why?

I did not care anymore somehow,
I just let it be,
Let them go.
Death erases all your worldly cares,
Yet im still alive,
with a hollow mind,
nothing to care.

The exams are nigh,
And i have yet started getting ready,
It's like going into the battlefield without any weapons or shields,
And what is assured,
Loss and The End.

My friends flew. Literally

Well,
My friends flew away,
Literally.

My friends had went for a holiday,
leaving me behind.

I guess i will be bored to death,
for the whole week.
At first,
i felt that i would miss them,
but when the day came when they flew off,
it felt as though it was a relief.

It was something like letting go,
Letting the bonds of me with them slide away,

Something like letting myself free,
All frustations gone ,
But it was a double edged sword,
They were gone with the good parts,
Their jokes,laughs, teases and praises.

Let it be,
They shall fly,
Goodbye.

Not my day

A bad start for the day with some misfortunes.

My handphone fell on the ground,
which broke it.

Then i accidentally flushed my contact lens into the sink.

After i got ready to go to school,
The lift of my apartmen broke down,
Had to walk 20 storeys down.

Then since it rained,
i got soaked when i reached school at the nick of time,
Almost late......

And finally i owed someone some money
which i payed them back ...*sigh*

What would you steal if you had the chance?
Something stolen that wont harm others.

I would steal a snowman,
Under the snowy obscured moonlight,

It is as cold as a piece of ice,
As cold as me,
As a companion.
I'll start with the HEAD.

Rescue me

Something about how empty i feel lately...i just keep daydreaming off,
And my friends are always there.

It is not good though,
i wrote it without any thought.

Once again i stood still,
In the midst of time.
Imprisoned behind my heart's grille,
Listening only to the mellow chime.

My mind totally empty,
Through night and into day.
I am faced with uncertainty,
Rescuing me were they.

They were always nigh,
Lending a helping hand.
Leading my continuous sigh,
Into an oblivious end.

They are my companions,
I shall say,
Thank you for rescuing me.

Tag game

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

Tagged by iDominic
Tagged : None  ( no one to tag )


1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope

2. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Go back into my dreams without boundaries

3. Prefer to get a lover that love you more than you love him/her?
Nope, Love equally.( But maybe the guy should make the effort haha)

4. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Bonds with my friends

5. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Keep in my bank and let it grow

6. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Nope, maybe im just too cowardly

7. What type of movie you enjoy the most?
Fantasy

8. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Appearance and trust

9. What annoy you the most?
Restrictions in life

10. Which do you prefer from your other half? hug? or kiss?
Hug

11. Will you choose a guy who is good looking but not that smart / a girl who is not that good looking but quite smart?
Smart?? as in academically?? I choose trust

12. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Internet.

13. Will you join politics?
Not likely

14. Who is your best friend?
Have yet to meet him/her

15. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
Self confidence

16. What's on your mind right now?
Loneliness which i enjoy sometimes and frustated about

17. What's the last shocking thing you've seen or heard?
Nothing shocks me

18. What is the nicest moment that ever happened in your life?
When i sleep in tranquility

19. What do you hope for?
Everything in life goes to how i  expected and how i want them to

20. What plans do you make from now onwards?
Nothing come across my mind

Apologies

My posts are getting shorter and shorter...

In heart,
I accepted his apologies,
Its just that i do not want to show it.

Don't accuse me of being selfish.
Let him suffer from the haunts of his guilt for once,
As i suffered from the threats and teases.

Let them be pleas for forgiveness,
than more threats.

Be assure i wont go overboard,
It will only last for a few days.
He challenged me anyway,
saying i cant ignore him for long.
I can and if i am compel to,
i will.

What i dare not or did not say,
are far more significant than what i said,
and they are best left unsaid.

No Name

To S32n,

I'm Anonymous,
No Name.

You have my trust the least.

My thoughts are mine,
Why should i confide to you.

I provoked someone

I didnt know how i enraged my friend,
It was an issue of trust and friendship.
It didnt go well.

At first,
I trusted him with all my heart.
As time goes by,
the trust that i have for him,
went astray.
In return for my friendship and trust
He accused me.
It wasnt long that he somehow betrayed me,
Well...it was imminent.
He did not completely betray me,
He exposed a crack in me,
to someone else.
A small crack in a glass,
will eventually break it completely.

People's mind are unpredictable,
He reveals one small crack,
Who knows how it will end up.

Accusation continued,
Suspicion between two of us.
It was his final straw,
He had enough.
I think i might have ravaged something,
in him.
I provoked him.
I dont know what to say,
Should i be the one who should be mad,
Or him?
It was clearly him who made the 1st move,
He took action instead of discussion.

After he left,
i felt empty.
My thoughts went blank,
Completely.
It doesnt seem it happened.
All my cares for everything about me

And him,
disappears.

In every story ,
Whenever death comes around,
An angel will descend at some point.
It is as though they are burdened to deliver bad news.
Something as graceful as an angel,
Was burdened to take a soul,
Leaving the soul's companions,
with grieving mourns.

Maybe im the same,
Im burdened with my secrets,
Whenever they leak,
My companions shall carry one of my burden.
In the end,
They'll end up in fury and sadness.

*Hey, sorry man ...
i dont know if i should be the one apologising,
but....i dont know...i dont care about it anymore
Well....for now i guess...
Maybe my patience's limits are beyond yours,
And you have reached it,
but i have yet,
Even though u keep pissing and annoying me,
for so long......it did not come close to my limit.....
Truce?
 

School starts over

The holiday ended,
My enjoyment eventually faded.

Being in school,
Makes me look like a fool.
Friends seem so unreal,
Threatens, False Statements,
Yet again repeated.
Although i accepted them with equaminity,
My heart rushes with anger.
I dont aspire to hurt,
But i emanated dislike.
It continues,
It was futile to retaliate,
So i chose with Ignorance.
Guess what,
More insults.

It was the first day,
Classmates are full of joy,
with tales to tell.
Continuous of cacophony in the class,
It doesnt bother me much.
It's good to see them so joyous,
I kept sullen,
Observing every single events that happen.
All i can see are laughter.
But that doesnt last too long though,
With the announcement of results,
made some of the students
sad and some rejoiced.

So the day ended with elation and lamentations.
 

CampFire

It was the best night i ever had,
The rain almost ruin it,
but some of the incidents make it joyous.
the only thing i regret,
was not bringing a camera.

There were singing, dancing, jokes, and a fesyen show.
Im only interested in the singing and dancing,
The singing soothes me and watching them sing,
it made me amazed.

While the performances were commencing,
i saw 1 couple actually sitting closely,
on the 2 storey high bamboo built fortress ( kinda).
I wonder what they are doing,
You?


Later, we got to let ourselves go wild and dance,
Most of the girl guides had their fun.
I didnt really dance like them,
i just blended in a little.
It was a few dances,
they keep telling the crowd to come,
upfront to the stage to dance.

In the 1st dance,
i actually saw one of my primary schoolmate,
Hahas,
She was having fun.
At least i get to see one of the many,
scattered primary friends.

Something surprised me though,
in the following dance,
A girl guide hit me on the hand while im dancing.
What was that about,
i think she must have regconise the wrong person.

But the most interesting thing has yet to come,
You think the campfire its just having fun !?
Well,
You're wrong.
1 of my friend, lets jus call him, WY.
He liked a girl and she was here.
The girl sms-ed him to go into the crowd and dance.
We didnt really know where she is,
and WY was clueless on how to dance.
As some of us went scouting for her,
some stayed advising him,
" Just jump and shake and have fun "

She was one of the groups of girls dancing,
One of other WY friends recognise the wrong person,
He told us it was her and we pushed WY to the group.
But it was not her,
how embarassing.

Finally we found her,
Again we pushed WY to her.
No turning back now eh?
After a few attempts of running away,
WY finally gave in and went for it.
You know what?
They held hands and danced together closely,
We were also there beside him to support too.
We dance a few songs away.
And in the end,
after the last song was played,
We shouted " Hold Hands"
(not that they are not holding already)
We wanted to make it more exciting,
To see them blush!

After that we all went back to our seats,
i dont really know what happen next,
Its up to him.
But the last sms i got from him,
when i asked him how was it,
was" Haha..lol..So dead"

Swept away by boredom

This maybe one of the few posts i'll have
in this holiday.

Something for my holiday and about someone anonymous trying to fool with me

My anxiety came to the end,
I've forgot how it was back then,
How the time passed in vain.
The time i await,
finally made it.
In this merry holiday,
My lifeless body lays.
It didn't go as planned,
With it im definitely chained.
I am somehow not appreciating it,
For  what had come upon me.
Time seems to fly,
When you are out of your mind.
Time seems to be slow,
When you're doing something you defiant.
Relaxation is the only option,
For my satisfaction.

Events happen without my notice,
A shadow lurked beneath.
Trying to destroy ,
Foolish me, he shall toy.
Thanks to a certain someone,
Fully revealing him he never did,
Being a betrayal to him he will not.
But to me ,he maybe,
Although i could not see.
He may even be the meister of all of it.

For the next few minutes,hours,days,
How many more moon lit night will there be.
We often hold dear to something we dont have,
Always casting aside what we already have.
So in this holiday,
I may feel bored filled with nothingness,
But i should really enjoy it ,
By being carefree .

Socialise?

Finally finished a motivation camp,
I did not want to go,
but since im bound to go,
i must well enjoy it.

At first,
i was assigned to a group of 5,
luckily they were only boys in the group.
3 of them were handsome,
1 was funny and the last was me.

Siting with them,
I was silent.
At the first sight,
in my heart was only that,
i acknowledged them,
they were superior as in looks.
So,
throughout the half day,
all of us kept quiet.
Somehow, we were all acknowleding each others,
Being cool,
Not making a ridiculous actions.

There are two types of persons,
One is the superior,
another is the inferior,
but this time,
it was seemly balanced.

Anyway,
the thing that break the ice was laughter.
The funny guy in the group made a joke,
About "gears" if you know i mean.
Yea~,
So eventually we got along with the jokes,
And got to know each other better.

I'll summarize it though,
The 1st is the handsome DotA gamer,
He got a nickname while in the camp,
" Pilot "
Another is also a handsome one
beholding the nick " Wu Jun",20 yrs old,
Let me tell you,
whoah, His gf is BEAUtiful .
1 was ..erm..i dont even wan to talk about him,,
the twisted things in his head.
Last was the funny guy.

Its a 3day camp,
We actually got the best group award,
how ironic is that?
At first,
we were silent and losing others with the game points,
Later we were owning like beyong godlike.

I think i did well in socialising,
but sadly not a single girl,
*sigh.....

School's Out

It has been hell of months since i online,
Exam's finally over.

But things keep coming up,
camps are inevitable,
projects are piling up.

Friends are all bothering their buisness,
What are they, im clueless.

Trying to have fun
as well as complete the tasks i have.
Joy and frustation,
dont really mix,
Wont i get mad sooner or later?

Anyway,
Im getting really annoyed by someone lately,
Preaching false statements against me.
I didnt really deny,
since it will somehow only leads me to
even worse situations.

Sometimes,
I shouldnt even say anything.
People want explainations,
but the answers you'll get from me,
are only yes or no,
take it or leave it.

We are all books,
with thousands of pages each filled with an irreparable truth,
It's best not to reveal of it right?

Memories

Went home after school,
I didnt actually went to my current home,
it was my old, previous home.

When i arrived,
Great memories circled my mind.
This is where i stayed for the twilight years,
it has been more than ten years.

This home reminds me of my prouds and regrets.
Pieces of the past 'me' were puzzled after im gone,
I tried to put them back together,
but some of them,
are lost and i just cant recall them anymore.
They remained vague reminiscence.

There are scars, vain attempts, sadness.
Wounds can be heal,
but once you are dead,
all that is left are nought.
Memories are the same,
No matter how you strived,
Once its forgotten ,
It's really gone.

Some of the good memories that i had,
when i was young,
were forgotten.
I was just too young,
Never able to remember the things i want to.
Now all i can do is just look at the photos once took,
But photos cant explain everything,
All there is are monotone imageries.

People say,
we should aim for the future.
But without past ,
there is no future.
We tend to change after every mistake we make.
How i wished to realised that more earlier,
Maybe i could have been more successful.

However,
we should also enjoy,
the life as a child,
people dont really care much about your foolishness.
That is when you are really free,
Unshackled by rules and feelings.
Sometimes its better to just forget than remember,
the past injuries, scars....

Rains

Stayed back today at school till 3pm.
When i was walking to the gate, B
The rain started to pour.
I managed to hide under a tree,
But the rain began to pour heavier,
waited for 15minutes for my father to take me home,
But he has yet to arrived.
I decided to climb the gate and into the school
to make a phone call.
I was absolutely soaked.

Usually i like rainy days,
lightning striking and thunder roaring.
I'll sit on the sofa in my room,
watching the sky through my window,
enjoying it.
I feel comfort and calm when it rains,
It seems it is rejuvenating and refreshing the world.
Lightning is deadly whereas thunder is fearsome,
A combination of great powers in an element...
Dark clouds pervading the skies,
A barrier to the sunlight,
That is how i like it.

Tomorrow,
my friends are coming to my house ...
I dont really like to have guests,
i'll just decline them when they request,
but this is for once i'll let them in,
a chance of a lifetime i may say,
Be grateful ~

Troubled

Something about how i screwed up during my camp

Waiting in the darkness,
My heart filled with coldness.
Depression setting in,
Troubled by my sins.
The remorse i feel,
Is forever sealed.
How i wanted to apologise,
For the honour i demised.
Was i blinded by excitement,
Ignoring the rules that were prominent.
Fears haunts me ,
Shattering the glass in my world.
This is where no humans dare to tread,
A world of fear and anger that will  forever stay undead.
Nothing more but pain,
Will i get exile for my shame?
The judgement i await,
Accepting my fate.

Lost my cool

In the end of the camp,
The seniors said that they are not satisfied with my attitude.
When i reflected myself,
I actually lost my cool
I somehow overdid it during the games we played.
I regretted.

It is as though there's a beast inside me,
the only thing restraining it from rampaging
is my mask,
and this one broke.

In the older post, [Deception]
" I felt weird,
Why do i have the will to win the game,
and actually did all those deceptions,
to achieve it."
i think i had found the answer...
Maybe then,
the beast inside me has already started manifesting.


My fellings are ambiguous now.
The blames are on me,
And i shall accept them willingly.

I shall change,
cooler and colder than ever,
A mask of ice,
to face them from now on.
The hope i have ,
is to gain back the honour i once had.

Blind Affections

I looked at the mirror of myself,
Somehow something urge me to just break it.
i just turned away,
I felt the face that i behold is inferior to others...
I wont continue to express how i feel furthermore,
Since its pointless.

Anyway, today,
heard some stories of a friend getting back together
with someone he likes.
Sometimes,
I just dont understand how they feel,
Have they ever considered their relationships lasting?
Or is it just a short term of love between teenagers?
It may just seems to be a blind affection to me,
But to him,
Its not.

I know he is trying to mend the bond,
he no longer have.
His thoughts are no longer clear,
Does this just brings confusions?
In the end,
Will he just break down with emotions in tears?
Wont it be dire?

I know he suffered alot,
The disease he had to withstand.
He once told me,
he was never this emotional and social.
It was the bonds he have with m2x and s32n,
they really changed how he is,
The silent and depressed him.

Maybe it's not wrong,
Life are meaningless without relationships,
They can change one's life,
And life can change one's relationship.

I thought deeply,
contemplated long,
Wondering the answer to this,
Maybe its just something i cant comprehend.

Flashback

Played a few games of " Pikaball" with S32n,
It was easy to win against him.
Somehow
While im playing,
Flashbacks of my past in my primary school,
appear before me.

Everyone had played this game before in their life,
mostly in their primary schools,
maybe that's what made me recall those times.

When i think back,
The image of me there,
I wanted to just punched myself out,
For i see my self as a naive, inexperience jerk,
But it was beyond reach...

I played jokes,
Make fun of people.
I even laugh at people when they are in pain,
Furthermore ,
they were girls.....
Against boys,
I fought for honour,
but now,
I see it as a childish act,
merely a fight among boys,
unnecessary actions...
I was absolutely ignorant.

Maybe that is what made who i am today,
i totally changed,
I tried to keep my cool firmly,
Assuring i would not repeat the things ,
That may be my eternal regrets.
Seeking self-forgiveness and redemption.

A trap

There was a fire today,
it was fun ,
running like that.

Anyway,
I finally created a mask behind a mask,
Acting as a barrier,
Also a trap,
Guarding the fragile mask of mine behind it.
This way,
Doubts upon me will gradually fade away..

Why is it a trap ?
People say im childish doing such things,
Well part of me say its fun in a manipulative way.
A trap which will give me a better chance to my scheme,
Although i dont want to hurt others with lies to protect ,
the secrets i hide......
Thats why a fake mask is created,
Distant others from penetrating me,
Getting hold of me.
Reduce the lies that have to be made,
Attain consolation.

Arrogant

Most of you,
like to be
King of the hill,
top of the heap.....

Well,
I like to show a facade of difference.
It was this morning,
I was praised.
I somehow hate to be a bit glee,
Never showing that im proud of it.
 
I like it better if i just kept quiet,
and not boast too much.
Ever heard of ,
The higher they are,
The harder they fall.
The more arrogant i get,
It will just lead me to my own demise.

It's better if i stay low,
Avoiding acknowledgement is what i believe in,
Waiting for the right moment, 
Forging my foundation,
Never unveiling what i've done.
Then when i really am confindence,
That is when i spread my wings.

Even though i have a firm foundation,
We cant be too careful,
What do angels last see when they die?
It's their own downfall,
They lost their wings,
thrown far from grace,
Down to the chasm of the abyss.

There are others that are better than me,
Why dont we just aim for the top,
instead of gradually presenting our own results,
when others are there to insult you 
every steps in your way?

Loophole

A boring Monday as always...
I think i hate Monday the most.

Today,
M2x ask me,
Why dont i smile and talk more?

Simple....but abit complicated.
I usually feel awkward talking to someone,
especially the oral test with the teacher..
i usually screw it.

Why do i keep most of the things to myself?
I feel more secure, invulnerable, unpenetratable,
Im safer
in a world of my own.
The feeling not most can understand.
You can say that as though i wear an unpenetratable armour.

I wont simply express my feelings or emotions,
If it's a smile that i have to make ,
A fast smile it will be,
What if im sad?
I cant really say,
I havent cry for a long time.

But sometimes,
When i awaken from my sleep,
i find drops of tears on my face,
I wasnt sure the reason....

Even though i keep secrets and other thoughts to myself,
It's hard to keep it forever,
Even its an amour im wearing,
I must surely have a weakness.
This is where the blog comes in,
A loophole,
Its a sanctuary where i find peace,
Express what i have forbade to reveal face to face.
This is how i wont lose my sanity

Deception

Saturday

A camp was held school by my uniform unit,
A physical training camp to be exact.

In the morning did some marching,
It was tiring because we had to do over and over again,
because we were marching with some newbies.

Afternoon,
Did some physical games,
There's one game where the group leaders have to face off,
One have to perform one stunt that the other cant.

The opponent leader sucessfully did five one hand full pump,
That was obviously impossible.
I wasnt scared at all,
I was actually really impressed and as an enemy.
I wanted to be like him,
Wanted to train more just to be able to do that.

But the game at night was the most fun,
The best is at the last of course.
A station game, each group gets 12 tokens at the begining,
Each station will have to be paid 2 tokens to have the chance to play,
Win, 1 token shall be recieved, lose, well....
You actually lose those 2 tokens....
To get to another station.
Either win the game or buy the hint with more tokens.

In this crazy game,
I actually did most of the deception,
Persuaded the seniors, Lies made..
Getting them to be merciful...

Besides that,
We even Jumped Stations,
Traded hints with other teams,
The seniors were actually surprised why we were at the wrong station
Since we had the hint (given by other teams)
They had to let us play...

In the end, 6 stations, almost 12 seniors decieved....
Got more than enough tokens....
Guilty haunts me alittle...
I felt weird,
Why do i have the will to win the game,
and actually did all those deceptions,
to achieve it.

I was waiting for the day to end,
Frightened that they may find out,
Finally...all went well..
Salvation for my heart's fear

Game Over

Actually this happened last night,
through the window,
Lightning striking,
I dont know why im so fascinated with lightnings lately.
Ever wondered how lightnings are formed?

When a positive charged cloud and negative charged cloud come close,
A discharge will happen,
Pretty simple actually.
Imagine the power of controlling protons(+) and electons(-),
You can charge protons in a person's body without him knowing,
Then discharge thousands of electrons...
Dont say im cruel,
Its just an imaginary.

Back to today
Well, finally...
the game between me and GSH has ended.....
there was nothing more to do...
Told him who i am ...
He was not surprised of course,
since he already had came so close to finding out..
M2x spoiled it mostly ..

It was fun in a manipulative way,
Fooling with someone's thinking...
It was not nice though,
But friendships are tight,
Never easy to break..
This would just mean,
He's a true friend,
And there will be another friend who will share,
with me,
Experiences and secrets.

Love?

Almost half of the class went to the talk by a famous teacher today,
The class was boring but a bit fun.
Well.. M2x and Ntf were not in class,
GSH who is close to finding out who i am was not in class too.
I was so relieved.

About 3 or more periods,
the teacher was not in class,
We talked of course.

There was a topic on the girls we liked,
It was a topic among S32n ,Ji2 and me to name a few...
They suddenly asked me whether i ever loved someone.

The answer was obviously no,
Love is a hard word to express,
You cant simply say it to someone.

Whenever you fall in love,
Emotions collides,
You'll get confused,
L.     O.     V.      E,
Lost Over Vast Emotions
You cant really interpret or decide what you really feel...

What about 'liked ' they asked,
Well...like is simpler,
But i still said no,
I never REALLY liked any girls,

Even though beauty may caught my eyes,
A glance it will be .
It doesnt matter,
I can never be liked,
with a subtle exterior of mine.
It may seem that im carefree,
but inside me,
I'm anxious and cared alot

Yet, i can say i liked a few,
I could not express it,
when i liked someone,
I rather hide it,
Conceal it....
Let time guide me through....
Never telling what i feel,
Obviously,  a shadowed dead end it maybe,
Then it will just have to be memories,
Forgotten.....
Never revealed..

Rest

There was a talk in school from the previous principal,
Gave us a test on our own personality,
Mine was,
Investigative,Artistic and Secretive o.O

Today,I was thinking,
My mask is still getting penetrated.

I'm thinking ,
I should take a rest from this madness,
A temporary short break,
Let the assumption on me fade.
Get back to the shadows,
From the ligtht.
Mend my mask,
Put back the pieces that i've lost.

When there's a beginning,
There's an end.
But let me say this,
The end for me is not near,
I shall hold on as long as i can.
But for now,
The only thing that is concerned,
Is a well deserved rest for me.

Leak out

Well, as always, woke up and went to school ....
Today, i felt the time was passing fast,
Every period just went by,
Before recess, went to the books gallery,
Wanted to buy a book.....but out of stock T.T 

Today,
i felt as though my secrets are being known,
My mask is shattering,
My identity,secrets leaking.

I actually only told a few about my secrets,
Kelvin,M2x and NTF,
Kelvin was the one that made me start this madness,
M2x, well...i accidentally leak it out too...cant deny it,

And NTF, he forced me.....
I dont really trust him-
Yet of course

He promised to hide the secret that i 'bestowed' upon him,
But promises are just words,
Uttered in an emotional rush,
Powerless against the nature of time,
The possibility of revelation is vast.

Hey NTf, if you were to read this post,
I hope you are a man of his words.

Tomorrow Is Another Day

Sunday
Prelude of the new week,
Just thinking of it make me unpleasent,
Tomorrow is a new day, a new week.....
Yet another torture,
Crouch in the silence of the night,
Anxiety through out the week howling inside me.

Enlighten dreams fill my mind,
Hatred and love burst into a srife,
There's hatred towards school,
Yet love towards my friends that support me.

Desire gradually defiant it,
My aim of life seems to sway.
I must get a grip though,
But my heart wants vice versa.

Whenever i'm depressed,
An image always appears in my mind to calm me down,
I imagine i stand alone,
Snow raining down upon me,
I'm confused,
I like the white snows,
But i live in the dark void.........

Lonely again

Nobody knows who i really am,
I never felt this empty before,
If i ever i need someone..
Who's gonna comfort me,


Can you feel my world?
If i ever get lost in this stormy world of mine,
The wind and waves shall guide me thru......

Nobody knows who i really am.....
Everytime i see your face,
I wan to be yours..
Even i shall be imprisoned in it,
I will never mind

Deep inside , i want you to know who i really am,
I will lend you my resonant voice to guide you,
Never letting you go.....


Deep in the abbys i run,
Walking a serene path,
Is this peace or is this loneliness?
I seem to enjoy it yet despise it

 

We are merely bypassers

Just thinking of it
Make me admit
The life we go through
The tunnel we walk through
Are we just merely passing existence?
In the end,We will just fade away in nothingness
All that have be done will be just a past
Aren't god supposed to be just?
Every cloud has its silver lining,
Nothing is one-sided......
We were given the chance to dominate the world,
Yet we hide in the space that is void
I am abide to live in the shadows,
A bystander,an observer, the identity i never show.
The world is still an enigma to us humans,
Are we guilty that we defy god or are we innocent.......
Or is it just not the time .....
Awaiting the future that maybe grim... 

                                                                

The Chaotic Class

At about 11am after the history teacher went out . The students went on an unstoppable

chaos. It was practically torment to my ears though i kinda enjoyed it a little, dont blame me
, who doesnt like a bit of freedom.

Yet a while later, 1 of our class prefect came walking in. The anger in his face was clear, he pulled one of the student's collar, then pushing him back straight at the wall behind, and punched his fist into his abdomen. Whoah , that gotta hurt.

The story is this, the student actually hid the prefect's beg and possesion which made him mad since he couldnt find it.......he lost control and went on berserk.

Well, I will remember that not to mess him anymore, if I were the prefect I might also do that to that poor student, who knows, emotions are unpredictable

The secrets i hide

Today,when i think of my friends, the secrets that i hide,  my mind flew

I always think, everytime, in this repeated cycle of life.
What do human really strive for?
What is the hardest thing to achieve? What i think is -secrets.

Human have surpassed boundaries, every obstacles that god had cast upon them, they have achieved everything there is, technologies, knowledge. 
Exams, there have been so many people that had already achieve the best results.
Money, human too have succeeded in that.
Boundaries, human explored the deepest seas, furthest space.
Yet, what that cant be resolved are secrets.........human are still searching the secrets of the space, nano-scopic organisms, for myself, i keep alot of deep secrets in my heart.

I never showed my real self to anyone......
I always wear a mask,
Every mask hides a secret,
I hid my emotions as though i am void
And yeah, i think secrets are the hardest thing to keep and to get
eventually they will be exposed in an emotional rush...or rather willing-ly..........
I sometimes feel guilty though,
Lies that i gave to my dear friends
Lies are made to keep secrets
Lies are bound to make u guilty
Well, that's the burden i have considered to bear